Sunday, August 31, 2008
"Palin brings God, guns to Republican ticket"
I can't understand how anyone who professes to worship a loving God thinks it's a great idea for the entire population to carry an implement whose sole purpose is that of killing fellow humans. The Sunday Times also made a big issue of the fact that Palin is a fierce anti-abortion campaigner. The message, I suppose, is that it's wrong to kill an unborn human, but it's OK to carry a gun, with the intention to kill (no longer unborn) humans. Who knows, we might even witness a couple more schoolyard massacres thanks to Ms Palin's support of the gun lobby.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Gaffy Gagazza and the ox
The first big fight happened when Lilliput's Minister of Everything, Gathostin, decided he was fed up of the Tortoises Association's insistence that their members should be the only providers of transport in Lilliput. The tortoises decided to block all the forest paths, threatened to climb up the treehouse used by the Great Leader, Gobbi, himself, and caused general mayhem all over Lilliput. Gobbi was on holiday at that time, and Gathostin took it upon himself to deal with the troublemakers.
Eventually, the tortoises gave up on their absurd demands. The Great Leader, Gobbi, came back from his holiday and announced to the whole of Lilliput that he had solved the problem. The tortoises had accepted that within seven centuries they will be joined by others in providing transport for Lilliputian goblins.
In the meantime, on the other side of Lilliput's political spectrum, the Imps were having a hard time setting their house in order, after their eighteenth successive defeat at the general elections. Their new leader, Gasket, the young fresh-faced smiling goblin (who looks a bit like a poodle) had professed universal brotherly love and promised an earthquake. However, there was no evidence of such a cataclysm, and clowns and dinosaurs reappeared straight out of dark bygone ages, taking up important roles within the Imps' tribe.
Much to the merriment of their arch-rivals who rule Lilliput, the Imps' election for Secret General ended up with a free-for-all fight, and the confirmation of Geisin, the same goblin who everyone agrees was the brains behind the Imps' latest election defeat.
The shenanigans have not escaped the notice of Gaffy Gagazza, a posh, sophisticated witchgoblin, who eats baby Imps for breakfast and hates all Imps with an intensity that defies the imagination. Oh my gosh, she wrote in perfect Oxford English in her daily glog, Gasket is such an ox. It appears she doesn't like Gasket very much.
The Imps are obviously not at all happy with Gagazza's witty definitions of their leader, and the matter may very well end up in a kangaroo court.
Never a dull moment, as this observer from outer space often likes to remark...
Note: The Lilliput saga started in my first blogspace, which contains the first three episodes:
Elections in Lilliput
Lilliput chooses its Great Leader
The Imps have chosen
Saturday, August 23, 2008
New rules for football
I should write to the world's best loved sports administrator, Herr Joseph Blatter, to suggest a number of measures that are sorely needed to improve the world's best loved sport. Here are my proposed measures:
1. Matches will consist of two halves of precisely 30 minutes each. The clock will only run when the ball is in play, as in basketball and waterpolo. The time will be kept by "table officials" who will replace the supremely irritating fourth official, whose only functions presently seem to be those of prancing about holding up numbered boards, and getting on both team coaches' nerves.
The advantages to be gained by this measure are obvious, but since it doesn't seem like it's being considered at all by FIFA, despite its being so easy to introduce, maybe I need to spell them out. It will eliminate all time-wasting tactics once and for all, since any faked injuries, delays in resuming play, unnecessary substitutions in the last minutes of the game, with the sole intention of blatantly wasting time, will become be ineffective as they would stop the clock.
The present system of subjective addition of a few minutes is untransparent, inconsistent, and untrustworthy. Effective timing will put an end to this farce.
2. The procedure for substitutions. There's no need for a solemn ceremony, comparable to the swearing in of a president, to carry out a simple substitution. The present system disrupts the flow of play unnecessarily. All that's needed is for the coach to indicate the intention to carry out a substitution, and the numbers of the players concerned, to the table officials. Without any interruption of play, as happens for example in ice hockey, the coach ensures by any means that the substitution takes place, while the table officials supervise the regularity of the whole procedure, and in particular that both players are not on the pitch at the same time.
3. There will be no limit to the number of substitutions, and players may still come in again after being taken out. Presently, a player who is substituted feels almost as if he has been expelled from the match. He may have entered very much in the spirit of the contest, and wishes to achieve a lot more for his team, but suddenly it's all over. This is too drastic, and it's why very often players react so badly to a substitution. It doesn't need to happen. The system used in basketball and waterpolo should work just as well in football, more so with substitutions not interrupting the flow of play (point 2 above). Another advantage of this rule is that most of the line-up will at some point participate in a match, instead of watching disconsolately from the bench for its whole duration.
4. Technology that helps officials reach correct decisions will be encouraged, subject to regulated procedures. The game has become much too fast, the pitch is much too large, and the stakes are much too high for a human to be certain of taking correct decisions in a split second. Moreover, a dubious decision too often mars the positive spirit of a match and the lucidity of the referee himself. A quick video verification would dispel most doubts, and ensure better and fairer decisions. The referee should be able, at any time, to consult a video replay for uncertain episodes. He would be aware that this cannot happen too often, as it would ruin his reputation. However, each team coach can officially ask for a video verification, to challenge the referee's decision, once in each half. The referee will then take a final decision.
Electronic sensors, backed up by computer technology, can in fact easily be used to reach difficult decisions regarding whether the ball has completely entered the goalmouth, or gone over the playing perimeter. Goals/non-goals, like the one "scored" by England in the 1966 World Cup final, will immediately become a thing of the past.
In the meantime, there will be further research into technology to help referees take correct decisions regarding other decisions, particularly including offsides. With further advances, the role of the referee will gradually become that of supervising play, deciding on foul play, disciplining or calming players when necessary, providing the human element in controlling a match. This can never be achieved by a machine.
5. Any time the ball hits a player's hand, a free kick is awarded to the opposing team, even if it was unintentional. Most cases of hand-ball are part-intentional and part instinctive, the latter part giving rise to the "unintentional" interpretation. A defender instinctively raises his arms wide to increase coverage, and a shot from 1 metre away hits his arms - that's not an "unintentional" handball, and it happens very often in penalty areas. I'm quite certain that with abolition of the "unintentional" interpretation the number of such cases will decrease dramatically, and players will ensure that the ball does NOT hit their arms and hands.
6. Discipline. A good referee is able to impose contol on the game without relying too much on yellow cards. During a football match, a flare-up between two players can happen very easily. A strong challenge followed by an instinctive retaliation need not result in showers of yellow and red cards. A stern word of caution to both players, followed by a handshake, and play can normally resume without further ado. Referees must be discouraged as much as possible from using yellow and red cards, except in cases of violent or intimidating play and bad sporting behaviour. Particularly, and most definitely, no one should be sent off if a penalty is awarded. The rule as it is now is so harsh. The penalty kick by itself is more than enough to sanction any infringement in the penalty area, unless there is violent play involved.
A yellow card will result in an automatic and immediate 10-minute expulsion. A second yellow card, or a red card, will result in expulsion for the rest of the match. ONLY for that match. It's only very serious incidents that should result in suspensions in subsequent matches. It's utterly stupid that players are disqualified from participating in important matches, just because in the (sometimes distant) past they had picked up yellow cards for some frivolous incident.
I'm quite sure that the above changes would greatly improve on the fairness and quality of this sport we love so much.
There are other possible changes, about which I'm not so sure. I wonder, for example, how football would be if there were no offside rule at all. This, together with penalties, is by far the most controversial rule. It also kills so many scoring chances.
And what if the penalty kick were only reserved for a foul in the penalty area on an attacker with a clear scoring chance? Otherwise it's a direct free-kick, with a defensive wall on the goal line, and a yellow card. I wonder. Perhaps we would have much less desperate appeals, diving and hysterical reactions. It might actually be more interesting.
If they really like them, referees will be able to keep their telephone receptionists' mikes and earpieces...
Thursday, August 21, 2008
And the search goes on...
Am I searching for the lost plot? Eternal youth? Happiness? The truth? The origins of the universe? The meaning of life? All of them, and more actually.
For the time being I'll limit myself to searching for an identity to this blog. This search is manifesting itself in numerous changes in the title. Up till now this has changed from In-Nazzjon Malti, to L-Ispazju ta' Tonio, The Search Goes On, to the present On this and that. The subtitles are also constantly changing from various permutations of the cited titles, but also including "...but I still haven't found out what I'm looking for" (a slight change from they lyric in the song by U2), and "my less objectionable reflections revealed" (which I deemed much too negative).
In-Nazzjon Malti was intended to be the title of a satirical commentary in Maltese, carrying on, 25 years later, from what I had done by handwriting, on fool scaps, in the early 80s. I would dearly wish to know what became of the unique copies of those two editions. In those days of Deserta chocolate, Xandir Malta (in black and white), and the Foreign Interference Act, one needed the Maltese Prime Minister's official permission to use the words Malta, national, and their derivations in any name, hence the glorious name for this "newspaper"...
L-Ispazju ta' Tonio is the title of my first blog space on http://run42k.spaces.live.com/, from which I've migrated with much reluctance, as I deem it to be a very good effort. For the sake of continuity, I originally kept the same title here, but then I thought the rebranding needed to be more complete. I have already referred to this feeling that I often have, that I'm searching for some elusive ultimate truth, so the words "and the search goes on..." came into my mind as a description for this blog, and were eventually "promoted" to blog title.
For the time being, I've settled on On this and that, which I think is the best description of what I have in mind for this blog. I have noticed that my first entries here are quite different from the more personal style I adopted in L-Ispazju ta' Tonio, but I don't wish to abandon that style, and I hope the chosen title will be a reminder for me to vary as much as possible the content of this space.
By the way, I recently discovered that you need to become a registered member of windows live spaces in order to be able to send a comment there, which of course is a very efficient method how to scare away most potential interactivity. Apparently, that is not necessary here. So if you, dear reader, have anything at all to say about my ravings here, your comments would be much appreciated!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Here we go again
Now is it really Iran that Poland is concerned about? Hmm, again. It just so happens that Poland is very close to... Russia. And the Russian bear is not ignoring this move, so much that it's now warning it will be "forced to redirect its missiles to Poland". The situation is fast approaching a repeat of the 1980's missiles race in central Europe.
The winners of the developing situation, as ever, are the weapons manufacturers. They have already convinced millions of Americans that they have a "right" to carry weapons. It's such a pathetic situation. We, meaning our species, are using up so many of our precious resources to construct implements whose only aim is to kill each other. Very, very smart, indeed.
The very concept of a weapon should be outlawed. What? Not practical? We need to defend ourselves? Well, we have managed to agree not to use chemical weapons. Couldn't we extend this ban to other types of weapons? What if the whole world were to agree that there would be no weapons at all?
I find it utterly immoral that anyone should manufacture any implement whose sole intention is the maiming or killing of another human being!
Ah, but, of course, the arms manufacturers would lose their business, wouldn't they. So long as they don't endanger our very existence. Pity that a few million people or so will inevitably become "collateral damage" in the process...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
What a self-centred, insular lot!
As I read the headline, I thought it must be really alarming if even Maltese associations are getting worried. I assumed they were referring to the way the Russian bear is flexing its muscles in the Caucasus, and the standoff in Georgia amid escalating international tension between the world's (former?) superpowers. The dreaded expression that characterised the second half of the 20th century, "cold war", is being mentioned ever so more often in recent weeks.
Huh?! Caucasus? What's that? Nothing could be further from the collective minds of the Malta Hotels and Restaurants Association. According to the report in the Independent, what this body of gentlemen (and possibly a handful of ladies) are very worried about is the fact that the value of the British sterling has fallen, which may result in many Britons not going abroad for their holidays, i.e. less pound sterling in the MHRA's members' bank accounts.
Ah, yes. The international situation is very worring indeed.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Hello
I had been considering a migration (or even running two blog spaces at the same time, one for everything and this one for commentary in my native Maltese language), but I had developed my first blog space http://run42k.spaces.live.com/ so much that I simply couldn't let it go.
Finally I've decided to set up this trial blog space. I'll be experimenting and exploring for a while. If all goes well, I'll link both spaces, and start adding all my new material here. It's a pity, actually, because I'm very happy with the way my first blog has turned out. But I have a feeling this "blogspot" is much more user friendly.
Let's see how it goes.