Things were getting boring in Lilliput. Nothing whatsoever was happening. The goblins would go out, meet the same goblins, over and over again, walk along the same broken forest paths...
They got on each others' nerves. One goblin invented a story about another goblin. The latter retaliated, with an even more outrageous story, so that within a short while it seemed as if the whole of Lilliput was engulfed in a war of slander and mud-slinging.
Gaffy Gagazza, a posh, sophisticated goblin who eats Imps for breakfast (and claims that the Imps' leader Gasket is an ox), was heavily involved in the battle. In her glog, which is read by one and a half billion goblins every day, she was rather critical of a certain Gonswelo, who recently organised a party for some goblin friends. Quite critical, in fact. She certainly wasn't very complimentary in Gonswelo's regard.
Gaffy became very proud of her one and a half billion readers. What she didn't realise was that these were the equivalent of the crowd of curious onlookers who gather around, sniggering, to watch a brawl between goblins of, shall we say, not very sophisticated upbringing.
Showing posts with label Lilliput. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lilliput. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Upholding the morals in Lilliput
The Rectum at the Lilliput Institute for Spoonfeeding ordered the Morality Police of Lilliput to lock a young goblin in a dungeon as punishment for publishing an outrageous story, replete with references to goblin pudenda and possible usages of such pudenda.
It was the same sort of story that goblins can freely buy and read in Lilliput, but only if the stories are written in other forests, outside Lilliput, by goblins who do not live in Lilliput, and in a language other than Lilliputian.
There was an uproar following this Fatwa, with writers saying that had a right to write whatever they thought was right, and others saying that it was not right that writers should have this right. So, the Great Leader Gobbi set up a Group of Wise Goblins, which was to decide once and for all what Lilliputian goblins should be allowed to say, write, hear, read and see.
The Group of Wise Goblins embarked on their task with great enthusiasm, and when their work was finished they drew up a list of words that would be forbidden and which, if written in any publication in Lilliput, would entitle the Morality Police to throw the publisher into a dungeon.
The list of forbidden terms included expressions such as Gobb, Gosh, Oggja and other words that, according to statistics, are used on average once in every sentence that is spoken in Lilliput. It was published in the Goblin Gazette, and the following day all members of the Group of Wise Goblins were rounded up by the Morality Police, and thrown into a dungeon for publishing obscene material and thereby breaking the Obscene Publications Act.
It was the same sort of story that goblins can freely buy and read in Lilliput, but only if the stories are written in other forests, outside Lilliput, by goblins who do not live in Lilliput, and in a language other than Lilliputian.
There was an uproar following this Fatwa, with writers saying that had a right to write whatever they thought was right, and others saying that it was not right that writers should have this right. So, the Great Leader Gobbi set up a Group of Wise Goblins, which was to decide once and for all what Lilliputian goblins should be allowed to say, write, hear, read and see.
The Group of Wise Goblins embarked on their task with great enthusiasm, and when their work was finished they drew up a list of words that would be forbidden and which, if written in any publication in Lilliput, would entitle the Morality Police to throw the publisher into a dungeon.
The list of forbidden terms included expressions such as Gobb, Gosh, Oggja and other words that, according to statistics, are used on average once in every sentence that is spoken in Lilliput. It was published in the Goblin Gazette, and the following day all members of the Group of Wise Goblins were rounded up by the Morality Police, and thrown into a dungeon for publishing obscene material and thereby breaking the Obscene Publications Act.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Sharia Law in Lilliput
IMPORTANT NOTICE
by the
Lilliput Authority for the Upholding of the Sharia Law
The Grand Druid of Lilliput hereby decrees that it shall be unlawful for any goblin to use satire, irony, or express itself in any way as may be deemed spontaneous by the authorities of Lilliput. The Grand Druid further decrees that all humourous expression by any goblin in Lilliput shall be subject to the prior approval of the Lilliput Authority for the Upholding of the Sharia Law.
by the
Lilliput Authority for the Upholding of the Sharia Law
The Grand Druid of Lilliput hereby decrees that it shall be unlawful for any goblin to use satire, irony, or express itself in any way as may be deemed spontaneous by the authorities of Lilliput. The Grand Druid further decrees that all humourous expression by any goblin in Lilliput shall be subject to the prior approval of the Lilliput Authority for the Upholding of the Sharia Law.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Hobgoblins in flimsy hot-air balloons
Lilliput is in great turmoil. From the big forest across the valley, hobgoblins are coming over in flimsy hot-air balloons, which often burst along their journey towards the Land of Milk and Honey, crashing down into Lilliput. The hobgoblins are then locked inside caves, and fed leaves and water so that they can stay alive.
Now the problem with these hobgoblins is that they happen to have big lips and, to make matters even worse, they worship the moon, unlike the goblins of Lilliput who are, by official decree, sun worshippers.
This is, indeed, a serious problem. So much so that many Lilliputians are angry about the situation, and are threatening the two big tribes, the Elves and the Imps, that they will no longer support them if they do not “do something” about these hobgoblins, who are threatening to take over Lilliput, and change it beyond recognition.
A certain Gnomalowil has set up a tribe called ImpEures, with the declared aim of shooting down any passing hot-air balloon. Few goblins take Gnomalowil seriously, but both big tribes are careful not to appear as if they are not “doing something” about the hobgoblins from across the valley, otherwise they will lose precious votes to the other side.
At a meeting of the Great Leaders of the Land of Milk and Honey, Lilliput’s Great Leader Gobbi has put his foot down and insisted that hobgoblins who crash land in Lilliput should be sent to other forests. The other Great Leaders were not very impressed, and pointed out that there are goblins, hobgoblins and even fairies all over the place, moving from forest to forest, and not only in Lilliput.
The leader of the Imps, Gasket, is also clear on the subject. This is nothing less than a crisis, and the rulers of Lilliput should do something about it. The Imps are even ready to support Gobbi in his bid to get rid of the hobgoblins and send them to the other forests.
At the Wide World of Forests (WWF), Gobbi had the chance to address the leaders of the world’s forests. Up till his intervention in that hallowed forum, the various leaders had discussed silly, unimportant matters, such as the scarcity and the price of mushrooms, diseases, forest fires. It had to be Gobbi to set the WWF assembly alight with his statesmanlike speech, especially when he remarked that the hobgoblins in Lilliput should be shared between various forests, since Lilliput is facing a serious crisis because of them.
Alas, some forest leaders couldn't grasp the fine thinking underlying Gobbi’s speech. One commented that the Lilliputians are behaving just like a bunch of spoilt brats, who don’t know the meaning of the word crisis. Maybe Lilliput should just carry out its duties like everyone else, and stop boring the whole world silly with its tantrums, he said. After all, he concluded, it may be true that hobgoblins have big lips, but is it not also true that Lilliputians have big tummies?
What's quite certain is that it's not very pleasant to be a hobgoblin in Lilliput. Maybe Lilliputians are not as hospitable as they like to think they are, after all...
Now the problem with these hobgoblins is that they happen to have big lips and, to make matters even worse, they worship the moon, unlike the goblins of Lilliput who are, by official decree, sun worshippers.
This is, indeed, a serious problem. So much so that many Lilliputians are angry about the situation, and are threatening the two big tribes, the Elves and the Imps, that they will no longer support them if they do not “do something” about these hobgoblins, who are threatening to take over Lilliput, and change it beyond recognition.
A certain Gnomalowil has set up a tribe called ImpEures, with the declared aim of shooting down any passing hot-air balloon. Few goblins take Gnomalowil seriously, but both big tribes are careful not to appear as if they are not “doing something” about the hobgoblins from across the valley, otherwise they will lose precious votes to the other side.
At a meeting of the Great Leaders of the Land of Milk and Honey, Lilliput’s Great Leader Gobbi has put his foot down and insisted that hobgoblins who crash land in Lilliput should be sent to other forests. The other Great Leaders were not very impressed, and pointed out that there are goblins, hobgoblins and even fairies all over the place, moving from forest to forest, and not only in Lilliput.
The leader of the Imps, Gasket, is also clear on the subject. This is nothing less than a crisis, and the rulers of Lilliput should do something about it. The Imps are even ready to support Gobbi in his bid to get rid of the hobgoblins and send them to the other forests.
At the Wide World of Forests (WWF), Gobbi had the chance to address the leaders of the world’s forests. Up till his intervention in that hallowed forum, the various leaders had discussed silly, unimportant matters, such as the scarcity and the price of mushrooms, diseases, forest fires. It had to be Gobbi to set the WWF assembly alight with his statesmanlike speech, especially when he remarked that the hobgoblins in Lilliput should be shared between various forests, since Lilliput is facing a serious crisis because of them.
Alas, some forest leaders couldn't grasp the fine thinking underlying Gobbi’s speech. One commented that the Lilliputians are behaving just like a bunch of spoilt brats, who don’t know the meaning of the word crisis. Maybe Lilliput should just carry out its duties like everyone else, and stop boring the whole world silly with its tantrums, he said. After all, he concluded, it may be true that hobgoblins have big lips, but is it not also true that Lilliputians have big tummies?
What's quite certain is that it's not very pleasant to be a hobgoblin in Lilliput. Maybe Lilliputians are not as hospitable as they like to think they are, after all...
Friday, August 29, 2008
Gaffy Gagazza and the ox
Summertime in Lilliput is hot, humid and very noisy. Although Lilliputian goblins take it easy during this season, many a flare-up will normally occur, and this summer has been no exception.
The first big fight happened when Lilliput's Minister of Everything, Gathostin, decided he was fed up of the Tortoises Association's insistence that their members should be the only providers of transport in Lilliput. The tortoises decided to block all the forest paths, threatened to climb up the treehouse used by the Great Leader, Gobbi, himself, and caused general mayhem all over Lilliput. Gobbi was on holiday at that time, and Gathostin took it upon himself to deal with the troublemakers.
Eventually, the tortoises gave up on their absurd demands. The Great Leader, Gobbi, came back from his holiday and announced to the whole of Lilliput that he had solved the problem. The tortoises had accepted that within seven centuries they will be joined by others in providing transport for Lilliputian goblins.
In the meantime, on the other side of Lilliput's political spectrum, the Imps were having a hard time setting their house in order, after their eighteenth successive defeat at the general elections. Their new leader, Gasket, the young fresh-faced smiling goblin (who looks a bit like a poodle) had professed universal brotherly love and promised an earthquake. However, there was no evidence of such a cataclysm, and clowns and dinosaurs reappeared straight out of dark bygone ages, taking up important roles within the Imps' tribe.
Much to the merriment of their arch-rivals who rule Lilliput, the Imps' election for Secret General ended up with a free-for-all fight, and the confirmation of Geisin, the same goblin who everyone agrees was the brains behind the Imps' latest election defeat.
The shenanigans have not escaped the notice of Gaffy Gagazza, a posh, sophisticated witchgoblin, who eats baby Imps for breakfast and hates all Imps with an intensity that defies the imagination. Oh my gosh, she wrote in perfect Oxford English in her daily glog, Gasket is such an ox. It appears she doesn't like Gasket very much.
The Imps are obviously not at all happy with Gagazza's witty definitions of their leader, and the matter may very well end up in a kangaroo court.
Never a dull moment, as this observer from outer space often likes to remark...
Note: The Lilliput saga started in my first blogspace, which contains the first three episodes:
Elections in Lilliput
Lilliput chooses its Great Leader
The Imps have chosen
The first big fight happened when Lilliput's Minister of Everything, Gathostin, decided he was fed up of the Tortoises Association's insistence that their members should be the only providers of transport in Lilliput. The tortoises decided to block all the forest paths, threatened to climb up the treehouse used by the Great Leader, Gobbi, himself, and caused general mayhem all over Lilliput. Gobbi was on holiday at that time, and Gathostin took it upon himself to deal with the troublemakers.
Eventually, the tortoises gave up on their absurd demands. The Great Leader, Gobbi, came back from his holiday and announced to the whole of Lilliput that he had solved the problem. The tortoises had accepted that within seven centuries they will be joined by others in providing transport for Lilliputian goblins.
In the meantime, on the other side of Lilliput's political spectrum, the Imps were having a hard time setting their house in order, after their eighteenth successive defeat at the general elections. Their new leader, Gasket, the young fresh-faced smiling goblin (who looks a bit like a poodle) had professed universal brotherly love and promised an earthquake. However, there was no evidence of such a cataclysm, and clowns and dinosaurs reappeared straight out of dark bygone ages, taking up important roles within the Imps' tribe.
Much to the merriment of their arch-rivals who rule Lilliput, the Imps' election for Secret General ended up with a free-for-all fight, and the confirmation of Geisin, the same goblin who everyone agrees was the brains behind the Imps' latest election defeat.
The shenanigans have not escaped the notice of Gaffy Gagazza, a posh, sophisticated witchgoblin, who eats baby Imps for breakfast and hates all Imps with an intensity that defies the imagination. Oh my gosh, she wrote in perfect Oxford English in her daily glog, Gasket is such an ox. It appears she doesn't like Gasket very much.
The Imps are obviously not at all happy with Gagazza's witty definitions of their leader, and the matter may very well end up in a kangaroo court.
Never a dull moment, as this observer from outer space often likes to remark...
Note: The Lilliput saga started in my first blogspace, which contains the first three episodes:
Elections in Lilliput
Lilliput chooses its Great Leader
The Imps have chosen
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